Why we do the things we do....

A close friend of mine says "we are only human"...

We are sometimes immensely altruistic in our deeds...which can be a good thing and at times, lead to short-sighted and selfish decisions...which in turn leads to disappointment and suffering... this attribute is one which I possess...

Some people would describe me as "having a good heart"...whilst others would describe me as "reckless, unreliable and unaccountable"...

Over the course of a year, I've learned that both qualities are true about me...as recent events have proved...the more I wanted to do good, the more harm it begat...the irony of it all was that the confidence I had was what I thought would be enough...having little regard, and I think this was the watershed moment...the permissive will of God in my decisions... I may have wanted, but He says no...I am mortified by my actions...I am no devil but I am no angel too...

decisions I've made are life-changing ones...of the wisdom which I have so flippantly overlooked...perhaps it's the most important lesson in life that I must know how much of me I am willing to give before giving...

I dare not profess to be above anyone...I can only try to be a better person everyday and learn from the painful lessons in the past...

I may never see the benevolence or engender the same trust again...but nothing will prevail over my will to try...for to err is human and to forgive is divine...

I hope the hand of acceptance and forgiveness will reach out ... for I have no more desire to be impetuous and inconsistent...

As you sleep, I offer my prayers for His angels to watch over you and your precious one...