Returning to Routine

I spent the last few hours yesterday night with a dear friend of mine whose going back to Hong Kong this morning... she was back for the CNY celebrations...

She leaves with a heavy heart, not because of anything she misses here but because she will be going back to her hectic job and more than anything, the loneliness which had come to be not too long ago when she broke up with her special someone. Seems like an annual dinner, she says- referring to the almost yearly routine she has to suffer a broken heart. But still she is determined to go back there to get over things and start over again. Perhaps she should come back to Malaysia to settle down instead of pining for it over there. It also helps if the guys she dated weren't expats.

By no means has my personal life been fulfilled. I am still distraught over the last one. So many lessons to be learned about sacrifices and loving each other. Honestly, I don't think I can forgive myself for ruining a perfectly good friendship. But the choice was made and there is no point regretting. It was most likely short-sighted but life is full of risks isn't it. If you asked me how I would have done it better if I could turn back time, I would say "I'd probably tell her to live for her precious little one and no one else" . Being impartial would have been the best and would have probably saved us all from the pain. Adult relationships are so complicated sometimes. It may have been just better to keep our feelings in check.

Who knows, none of the hardship may had to arise and I may not have even seen the darker and miserable side of me. My resentment has made me miserable and unhappy for a long time. To some extent, I took it out on her. I've never had to deal with having almost perfect happiness ripped away and that it was my choice to rip away from it. The conflict between doing the right thing and doing what your heart tells you is often the most embittered battle of all.